D'oh!

The first run of posters for the Oregon Brewer's Festival
seem to misconstrue the meaning of the 21st amendment.
The 21st repealed the 18th amendment, the one that actually enacted prohibition. Repealing the 21st, as the poster supports, would be re-enacting prohibition
I always remember this fact thanks to a chain of alcohol purveyors in Indianapolis, 21st Amendment Liquors. It always amused me in a geeky kinda way.
(The poster has been corrected already, the new version is already up on the Brewer's Fest site.)

Strange ice pellet storm this afternoon. Not sure what to call it, not really hail, not quite sleet. Just little pellets of ice that piled up and looked like snow for about three minutes. Then it turned to rain and they all melted immediately. Pretty odd weather for Portland in the spring, I'd expect this in Indiana or other places East, but not here in the land of the soul-crushing drizzle. Forecasters are calling for snow in the hills for tomorrow's commute, snow level down to 800 ft. Sounds like an amusing traffic report with my morning coffee.

Anagram Fun

Oh, they're looking for the word "subtext." My bad, How embarassing.

Meaty Streets

A little detour on our St. John's adventure included a visit to these two streets named after the not so illustrious meat packing giants Armour and Swift.
Through one of the most informative books about Portland history, "Portland Names and Neighborhoods: Their Historic Origins" by Eugene E. Snyder, I became amused by their existence. They're only about three blocks long and tucked away in what's now a quiet little residential neighborhood but around 1910 it was the center of Portland's meat packing industry, just down the Slough from the Columbia Stockyards.
Now I'm off for a feast of Treet and Vienna Sausages.

Peninsular Adventure

I don't make it out to the North Portland Peninsula and St. John's as often as I'd like. We needed a little nature time this weekend, even though it was blustery and rainy. Smith and Bybee Lakes is only about 10 minutes in the car from Sellwood Street, but we only seem to make it out there a few times a year. Its a big chunk of nature in the middle of industrial wasteland, full of beavers and deer that I've never encountered. This trip only revealed a bald eagle, ducks and coots, a bird that I didn't really know existed until looking it up in our nature guide. Didn't manage to get any pictures of the birds, there was that cute tree frog that G managed to sneak up on.

Morels along the pathway.

Cute little tree frog I mentioned above

An understated plea above the pit toilet in the parking lot

After our nature walk, we ventured into downtown St. John's, a part of town that's kind of like a weird old uncle, a peculiar part of Portland that I love, but I just don't visit enough.

The St. John's, Portland's most photogenic bridge

Cute sign from the old-school clothing store

And another shot of the bridge, because the rest of the shots I took in St. John's didn't come out so great, and the bridge is just so damn cool.

Rare cart

This cart has been in the little space between my work and the Banfield Motel for a few days. I park right by it every morning, yet just tonight noticed as I was backing out of my parking space that it was a "Nature's Northwest" cart. (Link goes to a weird old page that still seems to be hanging on from the 90's.)
I had to stop and get a quick pic before someone claims this proud old cart as their own. It looks pretty good for a cart from a store that's been gone since 2002 or so. A nice little blast from the past.
The real prize would be finding a Kienow's cart.
Thanks for that Kienow's commercial go to For Portlanders Only, the best place on the whole wide internets for Portland television ephemera. Making me feel better that I'm not the only one fascinated by such things. Hours and hours of awesome old local commercials and such. Be sure to watch this hilarious old promo from "Oregon's 12" made from outtakes of east coast TV stars pronouncing it "Ory-gone's Twelve."

Dale Jr. is a Big 'Mo

OK, so I put the apostrophe on the other side of "Mo." Apparently its short for "Moment."
I bet this will be popular with the guys at Gaytona.

Green Dragon

This place has been open for a few months now. I've been reading rave reviews since they opened. We went to check it out in December or so, on our customary Saturday afternoon pub crawl. We each had a pint of something interesting, but didn't really feel like hanging around. The pub side of the establishment looks really cool, but unfortunately it doesn't open until 3pm. The bistro side where we were trapped felt really pretentious, dark walls, low lighting, and indifferent service.
We decided to make a second visit last weekend, this time for lunch on Saturday afternoon, which is surprisingly difficult to find in Portland. Why aren't restaurants here open on Saturday afternoons? That's another topic altogether.
The lunch menu seemed overpriced and a little too trendy for my tastes. Looking around the room at what everyone else was eating, the frites were the only thing I really wanted, and frites alone do not a meal make, so we thought about just having a pint and moving on. I'm all about good beer, and so is the Green Dragon. I love places like the Dragon, and The Concordia Ale House for their rapidly changing tap list full of obscure pints, however the Dragon seems to lack the same charm or friendliness I've found at other places aimed at beer enthusiasts. I like being able to ask the server or bartender about their beers and getting an educated response, or even a "I'm not sure, would you like a taste?" At this last visit to the Dragon, when one of us asked about one of the beers, our server pointed at the beer list on the wall and walked away in a bit of a huff.
I really don't like to up and leave a restaurant in that moment between first contact with the server and actually placing my order, I always feel like an asshole. I've worked in the service industry and know that its just awkward for all parties involved. I felt justified in this instance. There was just too much of a "go fuck yourself" vibe in that place.
I'm sure the lone server/bartender was having a shitty afternoon, the place was filled with suburban imports and Pearlies which didn't make me feel any more welcome, getting sideways glances in our muddy shoes and damp pants from the hike we'd been on before coming for lunch, a uniform that's pretty de rigeur for Portland.
Perhaps our server was just as thrown off by the crowd as well, but as a whole, I just don't care for the Dragon. I gave it a second chance. Who knew a beer pub in industrial SE would be so uppity?
We ended up at Laurelwood Pizza that afternoon, and yes, there was a kid's birthday party going on as is usual on a Saturday afternoon, but we were able to secure a table far away from the action and get friendly service, (conversation with our server even) and good food even though the place was quite crowded.
Luckily we live in Portland, where there's enough variety of beer-serving establishments to serve everyone's tastes.
I still really want to like the Green Dragon, but it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth, much like the libation of the same name that we experimented with in college.

Girls will be Girls

I haven't seen "Girls will be Girls" yet, but I hope the movie is at least half as awesome as the online episodes inspired by the film. This one is "Christmas Evie," I know its not quite the season, but this is my favorite of the episodes available so far. I hear there are more in the works, and the film is airing on IFC this month on the 26th & the 31st, for ya'll who have special people television.
This is campy, trashy melodrama at its finest.


"Christmas Evie" in HD from GWBG on Vimeo.

If you enjoy this episode be sure to check out Girls Will Be Girls Online and watch "The Jizz Party," and "Delivering Coco," with guest star and everyone's favorite fag, Scott Thompson.

March Mullet Madness

One of the best radio station contests ever. Jack FM in Los Angeles is giving away a '69 Camaro. What you got to do to win? Have the best damn mullet in SoCal.
The contest is structured like the NCAA brackets, beginning with 64 entries and narrowing down to the winner. From the official contest entry form, "Enter your mullet and you just might make the field of 64. After that, the public decides who shall join the mullet hall of fame alongside such greats as Billy Ray Cyrus, MacGyver, He-Man and Rosie O' Donnell . . . and WIN a 1969 Camaro SS."

Click here to watch the Mullet Matinee.

"Your boobs have no power over me"

From the "Best of Craigslist - Portland"
My fave so far...

"Dear Cute Young Paranoid Lady"

Yes, I saw you. Yes, you are probably attractive to a certain demographic. Yes, I am unattractive to a larger demographic. Yes, I am middle aged and overweight.

In spite of this, it is not necessary to fear me. Fox News, Nancy Grace, and KPTV Channel 12 have told you about every single murderer and rapist in existence. Please note they have never mentioned me. I am one of the very few middle aged men who have decided not to dedicate his life to committing violent crimes against women.

There are indeed evil men in the world. I am not one of them. If you encounter me alone on the street you needn't quicken your pace or duck into Starbucks. If you end up in line next to me, you don't have to position a backpack or purse in the airspace between us. You needn't fail to say a muffled “excuse me” when you reach across me to grab a straw. Fleeting eye contact with me will not be interpreted as an invitation to stalk you. Even if you acknowledge my existence, I will be able to resist engaging you in an overly familiar conversation. I am not dying to get to know you. I am not trying to read the name on your credit card. I will not find it necessary to contrive an accident which allows me to touch your arm, thigh, breast, or ass.

Fortunately for you I am GAY. Couldn't tell huh? There are a few of us who don't wear leather chaps, dresses, bangles, or rainbow visors.

So, you see, I'm not trying to imagine you naked or catch a peek of your cleavage. Your boobs have no power over me. Can you believe it? I'm not attempting to mentally photograph you in order to fuel future masturbatory sessions. I am able to live forever without carnal knowledge of you. Should we end up the sole survivors on a deserted planet, you will remain childless and humanity will end.

So, could you just calm down?

Wilsonville Honda

While I'm on a local TV jag, I just saw one of these tonight while watching the local news.
A couple of awesome ads from Wilsonville Honda. This is the best local ad campaign since the Trunk Monkey...

Clackamas "bodily fluids" incident

One of the lead stories on tonight's Portland news is this dude, who got caught jizzin' on the leg of a fellow shopper at the Clackamas Promenade Target. This was the top story on channel 12.
My favorite version of the story comes from KGW, with this little gem, "Surveillance photos showed he somehow ejaculated on the 31-year-old victim then left the store, according to investigators."

B.Y.O.B. Funeral

BYOB funeral? Hells yeah!

Food Court Musical

The best thing I've seen from Improv Everywhere yet. This mission was the coolest, as they were able to get the powers that be of the mall, and the people from Hot Dog on a Stick to help them out, letting them patch their mics through the mall's PA system and getting behind-the-counter access to the food court. The Hot Dog Girl even ended up waiting on a few customers, and the Janitor bussed tables as they were waiting for it all to begin. Normally, these guys do things much more randomly, without explicit permission from the business they're staging events in, that's usually what makes it so fun. In this case though, good humored mall authorities helped make this an even more awesome experience for those folks who just happened to be in the food court at that moment.

"Can I Get a Napkin, Please?"

Condiment Porn

I had a weird moment one time in an Arby's in London, Ontario when I was young. It was the first time I'd been to Canada, and I was really excited to visit, as this was during the period where I watched Canadian television almost exclusively. We got a satellite dish from my uncle after they got cable, but we didn't pay for very many channels. I watched almost nothing except three CBC stations, MuchMusic, (we got on TV jumping around and acting stupid in front of their Queen St. Studios) and low-budget programs in various Inuit languages throughout most of my adolescence. My first real impression of Canada came in this Arby's. As I'm finishing up my roast beef sandwich and fries, I notice that almost everyone in the restaurant had ripped the whole top off of their ketchup packets and were dipping their fries into the packet instead of squeezing it out into a puddle and dipping in it. I was mesmerized. Did all Canadians eat their ketchup this way? On that same trip, I discovered malt vinegar in packets. Brilliant idea, hard to find in the states.
Ever since then I've loved packets of stuff from fast food restaurants. I always grab a few extras whenever I can and try to keep them around, a few in my backpack, a few in my desk at work. I think its a habit I picked up from my grandparents. They had a set of canisters on the kitchen counter, the one labeled "sugar" actually contained sugar. The ones labeled "flour, tea and coffee" were filled with candy bars, chewing gum, and condiment packets respectively.
They're always good to have around. I try to avoid incidents like today, when I had to take the almost empty bottle of soy sauce from the cupboard to work because I finally ran out of the handful of soy sauce packets G grabbed the other day when he went out for Sushi, and the lunch I prepared for today required a little dash of soy.
It seems someone loves these little packets of joy even more than I do.
Behold, The Condiment Packet Gallery
I especially love that you can search by sauce type, country of origin, or by restaurant.
I wish I could get brown sauce in packets somewhere in Portland. I love that stuff. Maybe at the Horse Brass...

Portland Metblog

Last weekend, the entire Metblog network went through an overhaul. The old familiar site is now quite garish, big ol' MasterCard ads on the side, gray text on a white background that makes my head spin, and worst of all, one must now be a Metblogs member in order to leave comments.
A couple of folks who write for Portland's Metblog criticized the new setup on their personal blogs, inviting the wrath of the Metblog powers that be for their dissent.
Steve offered some constructive criticism on his blog More Hockey Less War.
The founder of Metblogs, Sean Bonner, dropped by and left a comment that seemed like a rational "sorry about that, hope you stick around," until the end of his comment where he informs, "I’m kinda taking the above post as your resignation for the time being. I’m sorry to see you go. If you do want to come back in the future, we’ll still be here and if not best of luck in whatever you do decide to do. Take care."
Then, another Metblogger, Brewcaster, echoed Steve's opinion and posted a link to his criticisms, resulting in a copy/paste of the same "fuck off" message from Sean, the king of the Metblogs. Can we get much more lazy and/or tacky? Come on, if you're going to be a webtator, at least take the time to write an original "fuck off" message.
There's rumors of some Metbloggers splitting off into a real home-grown Portland stuff blog, one that's not part of a multi-national chain of blogs. I'll be watching out for that, but for now, due to the general assholery of Sean Bonner, Portland Metblogs is leaving my "Portland Stuff" section. They no longer deserve those two or three hits a month they get from this blog!
Now I'm just waiting for my own comment from Sean for being a criticizing reader.

Coco's Variety

Just off I-5, about 960 miles south of where Sellwood Street passes beneath the west coast's clogged artery, is Coco's Variety, chief proprietor, Mister Jalopy. On my must visit list if I ever make it to Los Angeles, along with the Echo Park Time Travel Mart.

hose runter

Maybe instead of more pseudo cops on the MAX, we just need a few assholes to get pantsed now and then. A great way to fight "quality of life crimes."

Justice - DVNO

Here's a video from French artists, Justice, inspired by awesome 80's TV graphics. Enjoy.

Justice - DVNO [NEW]
by PeteRock